Admiral

You’re a lord of the seas, so you should dress like one too.

A treble treatment of starch ensures you’ll stay smart in the roughest of seas. 
We’ll keep adding gold buttons until everyone’s fooled into giving you the desired respect. 
A fine pair of well-tailored breeches that were freshly pressed this morning. 
The large buckle reflects your stature, but also increases the chance of being struck by lightning. 
Getting your hands dirty is for dishonourable types, so wear these gloves and sniff your innocence. 
Polished to mirror sheen, you could eat a banquet off those buckles. 
A hat makes the pirate, so look no further than this particularly distinguished headwear. 
Both practical and formal, in the highly unlikely change of attending a society ball on the seas. 
Don’t wipe seaspray from your eyes or you’ll be wearing an Eyepatch too. 
A wooden leg doesn’t lessen your duty. It’s no excuse for getting stuck in the deck grille though. 
As unrufflable as the pirate you are, even after a character-building trek across Old Faithful. 
Trim your beard as often as your sails and you’ll be well respected. Or end up grounding your ship. 
Promotes an air of undoubted experience in battle, just don’t let your crew see it’s just for show. 

“A noble weapon that will serve you admirably, so long as you remember to load it.” 
Give those ill-disciplined Skeleton rabble a taste of authority. If that fails, run away! 
Remember, big end towards your enemies if you don’t want a chest full of lead. 
Do your duty and don’t buy this, as there is no honor in fighting from range. 

Keep everything shipshape with a reliable bucket that’s guaranteed not to leak. 
Points the way to your entitled success. Has a jeweled bearing for smoother operation 
Ships have no room for a grand piano, so you’ll have to learn how to play this instead. 
With this, if you must play, no one will notice that you’re not actually playing on beat. 
Proudly strike up a rousing shanty that inspires all pirates to do their very best.  
Things will shine as bring as your prospects when illuminating this splendid lantern.  
Crafted by master horologists, but comes with no guarantee you’ll be on time.  
Only to be used if undignified physical toil is absolutely necessary. 
This should help keep a distance when speaking with lesser pirates is unavoidable. 
Lesser pirates will look up to you when using this. Unless you’re peering through the wrong end.  
Show everyone you’re not the stuffy type by occasionally enjoying a small sniff of grog.  

A fancy hull indeed
At the wheel it’s a stirring sight. Don’t get too distracted, or you’ll see the bottom of the sea
 
Lord of the seas, just like you. Pay no heed to any who say it’s an outdated old man with a stick